Community leadership is:

1. Investigation – Knowing what the burning issues are, or the “community cry”, as I like to call it. This can be determined by surveys, focus groups and town hall meetings where the public is engaged to address local concerns that are directly affecting their quality of life.
2. Involvement – Community leadership need not be a “top down” structure. In fact, it is usually more effective when it is led by grassroots, or “bottom-up” leadership that comes from the unelected, un-bureaucratic strings that slow the process for taking action.
3. Investment – While it is true that something can be done about issues with little or no money, a lot more can be accomplished when those entities who control the community purse strings invest in the development of committees, strategic plans, and employees to implement the plans developed. This includes investors from both the public and private sectors of the community. The more private money the better, as, again, it usually does not come with all the strings that hinder and limit needed action.
4. Influence – Once the issues have been identified, plans have been discussed openly with any and all concerned and investors have been secured to hire employees to implement the plan, a campaign is needed to raise awareness, recruit volunteers and educate the constituents about the purpose, goals and objectives of the action plan to sustain it until the goals are achieved.

Using the above principles, my intention here is to raise awareness and focus the attention of community leadership on the local youth street gangs. The first principle of “Investigation” has been accomplished by many communities and does not need further elaboration here, except to say that those who decide to be involved with the gang issues should remain students, keeping up with all the changing data regarding gangs. As one writer put it, “if there is any constant in today’s gangs…it is their changing forms…”

Youth violence and street gangs continue to be a concern for many communities across the country. According to the National Gang Threat Assessment 2009, law enforcement now estimates there to be one million gang members in America! This is a substantial increase from the estimate of 760,000 in 2006. No one seems to be quite sure if the reason for the increase is because of an actual increase of youth joining gangs, more communities paying more attention to, or finally acknowledging their gang problem, or simply a faulty methodology for collecting accurate gang membership data. My guess is that it is some combination of all of the above.

For many communities, this “old problem” for others, is a new problem for them and they are searching for answers. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of answers to be found and it is more about learning what not to do, than what to do, that has been tried unsuccessfully by other communities. Most community’s first order of business has been to involve law enforcement. That is understandable given the crime associated with gangs. However, new gang communities should also learn that over time, law enforcement is not a solution to the gang problem, but only a normal and necessary reaction to the gang problem. In other words, if a crime is committed by any person or group of people, we expect law enforcement to react and do their work accordingly. But the problem does not end there, nor should it be expected to any more than chopping off weeds at the surface should be expected to end the problem of the weeds growing back. Nevertheless, many communities continue to go down this well trodden road of heavy suppression tactics to solve the gang problem.  While suppression can provide a temporary “quick fix”, that gives our “front lawn” a neat and orderly appearance for awhile, in due season, the weeds grow right back.

The Roots of the Issue

Gangs exist for a reason. Youth are drawn to this destructive lifestyle for a reason. We may not like, agree with, or accept their reasoning, but gangs continue to exist and grow regardless, and that alone should cause us to step back and think more deeply about this gang phenomenon that continues to allude a solution. This is why I use the metaphor of “weeds”, because, like gangs, we have never been able to solve the weed problem and have come to simply accept it as a fact of life, rather than a problem that can be solved. Yes, we can solve it better in some places than others. We can replace real grass with astro-turf and rid ourselves of having to deal with the problem. But that solution is artificial and comes at the expense of giving up enjoying the nature of the real deal. In any case, in the end, weeds exist, will continue to exist and in some places thrive, due to environments beyond our ability to control. Unfortunately, the same can be said about gangs. As the professor of criminal justice at the University of Illinois, Chicago, author, and gang expert John Hagedorn says: “today’s gangs are not going away soon, no matter what we do.”

As I have studied, watched and been actively involved with the gang issue over the years, I suggest, that communities should view gangs, like weeds, as a fact of life, and not as a problem they can get rid of. I know that sounds pessimistic or maybe even cynical, but that is not my intention. My intention is to be realistic. Realistic about how feasible it is for communities to expect to put an end to the gang problem, when they can’t even solve its root causes:

1. Poverty – Statistics show that wherever there is poverty, there will be a high probability of gang spawning. The U.S. government declared a “war on poverty” decades ago, but we are not any closer to solving the problem of poverty. According to the United Nations, nearly one billion people live in slums, 12 million in the U.S. alone. And by 2020, the UN predicts that half of the world’s urban population will live in poverty.
2. Drugs – UN studies show that illegal drugs are a $400 billion global business equaling 8% of the global economy. And Professor Hagedorn tells us that, “In Chicago, like elsewhere in the United States, cocaine transformed gangs into economic enterprises”. Accordingly, drugs are a major motivator and a strong tool of recruitment for youth to join gangs and make quick cash.
3. Racism – Aside from the “normal” race issues our country has battled before and after the civil rights movement, racism has become a factor amongst the gang sub-culture, according to recent revelations from interviews and court documents with Mexican Mafia gang members and associates. Prison gangs are divided by race. Prison gangs continue to have influence over many local street gangs. According to the record, many seemingly “senseless” murders have been part of a Mexican Mafia ethnic cleansing initiative begun in the 1990’s.
4. Broken Families – The 50% divorce rate of married couples in America has been known for many years. In addition, we have also exposed many of the family secrets of abuse and neglect children suffer at the hands of their parents/guardians behind closed doors. Today, we are dealing with the attempt to re-define the nuclear family and the institution of marriage, which will certainly carry its own consequences (unintended or not). The bottom line is the effect all these things combined will have on the future health and happiness of our children and their children. By their own admission, an unhealthy home life is one of, if not the main reason, why youth join gangs in the first place.

Given the above root causes for creating gangs (and other negative lifestyles); I suggest being realistic is an important factor in determining community strategy. Approaching a problem to get rid of is a different mentality than approaching a fact of life. We all hope that the scourges of poverty, drug addiction, racism and dysfunctional families would disappear. Nevertheless, we have all had to learn to live with these things, and in many cases have been victims touched personally by one, two or all of the above.

Choosing Your Battlefield

By being realistic I do not mean to suggest giving in or giving up just because these facts of life are in our midst. Even Jesus said, “the poor you will always have with you”, but He did not mean to imply that we should do nothing about it, but simply to recognize it as something to acknowledge and deal with correctly, fairly, justly, reasonably. Thus, each community must do the same regarding gangs. It means that we shift our focus from the problems gangs create, to the problems that create gangs. We know what to do about the problems gangs create. That is the job of law enforcement. It is the root causes outlined above that communities often choose to neglect or acknowledge as battlefields that need more of our time, energy and resources.

I have no doubt your community has many fine leaders (perhaps you are one) and community organizations already in the trenches dealing with all of the root issues I mentioned and more. And if by chance you are not already involved, I pray this article has stirred something deep within you to cause you to consider joining the battle for the safety of your neighborhood or community with your family, friends and colleagues. Because the fact is, we are responsible for the quality of life in our community more so than the police or any other government agency.

My cousin recently wrote to me and said: “I’d like to ask, as an individual, what can I do?  In my small city 4 miles square, there are so many gangs.”

The answer to that question is which battlefield is most important to you? Which issue is closest to your heart? Which problem strikes a chord within and ignites your passion to get involved? Once you decide that, you can either take part in a community focus group or forum (Investigation).  Volunteer at a local nonprofit as a mentor or other place of service (Involvement). You might want to become an annual donor to one of the faith-based or nonprofits working in your particular areas of concern (investment). Finally, you might consider using your speaking or writing talents to attend city council meetings, or write a letter to the newspaper expressing your views and solutions. Believe me the words of voters do carry power with politicians! (Influence)

Now if you’re still not sure about what you can do, let me suggest the following: Community leadership starts in the home. This is why the role of parents and the influence we have on our children is so crucial to perpetuate and preserve any amount of safety we can expect in our neighborhoods. This is what I have chosen as my battlefield and I invite you to join me, along with many other “Parents on a Mission” (POM), as I call them, who are dedicated to their own personal growth in learning the required skills to raise happy, healthy children as the best gang prevention strategy any community can invest in. If you are not a parent, or a parent of small children, then you are the perfect candidate for enrolling in the POM leadership training. If you kids are already teens or older, this leadership training will still help you, as well as, help you to help others.

Join the leadership Movement for Gang Prevention

Finally, as with any community problem, leadership is the key. And, as mentioned earlier, leadership can come from anywhere and anyone in the community willing to invest their ideas, talent, and/or time and resources to ongoing efforts already in place. Or perhaps be part of initiating a new movement of creative solutions. However you decide to get involved, I can assure you that your leadership will make a difference and help improve your community and prevent more children from joining gangs than if you choose not to get involved at all.

If you are interested in learning more about “Parents on a Mission”, and joining me in our leadership movement for gang prevention, please visit:

www.richardrramos.com/gang-prevention

Sincerely,

Richard

Dear Friends:

As we draw near to the “Parents on a Mission” (POM) Gang Prevention Training in Los Angeles on Saturday, June 27th and Sunday, June 28th, allow me to reach out to you one more time with a special offer that you cannot refuse!

Special Offer – TWO FOR ONE DEAL – SIGN UP AND BRING A COLLEAGUE (or friend) FOR FREE!! Yes, for FREE!
Come on now, is that a deal or is that a deal? (Or maybe I should ask, “deal or no deal?”).

Go Here to SIGN UP NOW!

As you’ve heard, this is unlike most (if not all) of the “gang prevention” trainings out there.  The focus in this training is on empowering parents, rather than the community, as the best prevention strategy any community can invest their time and resources in.  And that is an important distinction to make given the ongoing investment in suppression and intervention practices being made around the country.  But prevention is different. It is not intervention after the fact. It is a pro-active approach to keep kids from ever going down the path of joining a gang.

However, to accomplish true prevention it will take parents. Parents are the primary gate keepers of raising happy, healthy children-with the rest of the community supporting the role and authority of parents, not replacing it.

Many claim it “takes a village” to raise a child. POM says it does not take a village, but only one family and good parenting to raise a child.  Yes, police, probation, parks, pools and community programs are helpful. Yet, they can not replace good “old fashioned” respect and obedience to parental authority.

If we are to win this competition with gangs, it will be won inside the home, behind closed doors. If we fail to focus on empowering parents and continue to fail to solve the other social issues that create gangs, the community effort of creating and funding more programs and well intentioned coalitions, will not succeed in reducing gang activity from our neighborhoods.

It’s not that programs don’t work at all, however the problem is we continue to produce more and more candidates for gang recruitment in each generation and it seems as if we are falling further behind and growing a bigger problem – WHY??? – WHAT IS MISSING?

What is missing is the fact that marriages and child rearing are not what they used to be. And as the foundation of human relationships has continued to erode over the past fifty years, (not to mention the growth and influence of graphic movies, music and magazines) more and more children continue to search for validation, meaning and everything else to fill the void in their hearts that yearns for unconditional love.  Am I right or wrong?

Go Here to SIGN UP NOW

So if we want to stop gangs from continuing on and growing generation after generation, doesn’t it make sense to work on the front end, rather than always reacting on the back end? All social group members age, or move on to other things, and depend on “fresh blood” to continue the legacy, don’t they?  So what is the best way to cut off new recruits?  I’ll come back to answer that in a minute, but one thing the last fifty years has taught us is what doesn’t work and that is creating more “social programs”.  A lack of programs has not been the problem, and if it was the answer, we would have solved the gang problem a long time ago.

So here’s what’s happening my friends:

• A minority group (gangs) is causing decision makers at the highest levels of our communities (and nation for that matter), to create whole new entities and rearranging whole budgets to deal with a small group (generally speaking) of individuals.
• Gangs are outperforming public education in recruiting, retaining and reproducing leaders out of our youth.
• Gangs are outperforming parents by winning the loyalty of their children.
• Gangs are generating community enthusiasm for “unity”, better, or on equal footing with other positive social movements.

That’s plenty to chew on, and to be sure, “Parents on a Mission” (POM) was not designed to address all of the above. But rather to address what I consider to be the best way to cut off the community pool of potential gang recruits, and that is to give parents the tools to earn the respect, exercise their authority and be the heroes that win the loyalty of the hearts of their children.  No gang is more enticing than the approval, acceptance and unconditional love of a parent, even in the midst of a gang infested neighborhood. And the statistics bare this out. You will learn all about this and so much more. By the end of the two day training you will be equipped and empowered with real and doable solutions on how to prevent youth from ever desiring to join a gang!

Overview of the POM Curriculum Content:

Session 1: POM Orientation

The orientation serves to introduce participants to the core values and concepts of Parents on a Mission.  In addition, the orientation serves to give parents a brief understanding about gangs and their growing influence throughout the country. However, POM is not a gang awareness curriculum. This session is not designed to give an in-depth teaching on the gang sub-culture of graffiti, hand signs, colors and other information and data usually given by law enforcement presentations.  Should participants desire this kind of knowledge, the instructor can invite a guest law enforcement (or other subject matter expert) instructor to give a presentation. POM is designed to focus on the problems that create gangs, and not on the problems that gangs create.

Session 2: Parental Personal Growth

The purpose of this first lesson is to help parents understand the importance of their own emotional growth and maturity as leaders in their home.  The material guides parents to an inside-out approach to personal growth and how it relates to their ability to nurture the growth and maturity of their children.

Session 3: Parental Authority & Gang Prevention

Parental authority is by far the most overlooked principle to gang prevention.  Because of the importance of this issue, two sessions have been devoted to the topic of parental authority and discipline.  The lesson on parental authority emphasizes why parents must win the battle of child obedience and provides principles for accomplishing this at an early age.  Parents will learn the importance of the “twelve year home field advantage” and how to maximize this vital time frame in preparing our children for dealing with peer pressure in the neighborhood and school campus.

Session 4: Parental Authority & Discipline

Parental authority and the use of discipline is a controversial topic.  Many parents are confused and afraid to exercise their right as the authority figure in the lives of their children.  This session will define the true meaning of discipline and give guiding principles on how to properly exercise parental authority.  This session will also address the controversy over the issue of spanking.  While POM does not advocate the rightness or wrongness of spanking, we do recognize that many parents do choose to spank their children and thus we provide guidance on its proper use vs. the illegality of physical abuse.  While many argue that parents should not spank their children for any reason, POM respects the choice and right of parents to spank, but to do so properly and wisely.  Finally, this lesson will help participants make the crucial link between gang prevention and child obedience.

Session 5: Community Building

Citizenship and the instruction of the individual’s role in the family and community is the purpose of session five.  Parents gain insights on the family unit as a microcosm of society and how they guide their children from dependence, to independence, and finally to interdependence as contributing members of their community.  Suggested activities are given to assist parents in how to build community in their home.

Session 6: Trust & Loyalty

One of the key elements of becoming a gang member is the willingness to pledge loyalty to the gang above everything and everyone else.  Because of the youth’s willingness to make this pledge, many families have suffered the agonizing loss of their child to prison or the grave yard.  This begs the question; why would any young boy or girl want to give away their loyalty to a street gang?  This session examines how parents are losing this battle to their competition (Gangs), and provides guidance on how to overcome and win the battle for the trust and loyalty of their children as the best practice for gang prevention that any community can invest in.

Don’t wait – ACT NOW and Enroll in this unique and timely training!

Go Here to SIGN UP NOW

Sincerely,

Richard

P.S. – Don’t forget space is limited and the cut off date to enroll is June 22, 2009.

P.P.S – Remember our special deal offer – If you enroll now you can bring a friend for free! Follow your heart and click below – Our program comes with a 100% guarantee of satisfaction or your money back, no questions asked!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:  Richard R. Ramos

Phone: (661) 326-8845

Cell: (805) 331-0902

Email: Richard@RichardRRamos.com

STOPPING GANGS BEFORE THEY START

Leading Authority on Gang Prevention Offers Guide to Parents, Teachers

BAKERSFIELD, Calif., August 2008 – Richard Ramos is not interested in finding out why some kids join gangs.  He’d much rather focus on the reasons most kids don’t join gangs.

In his new book, Gang Prevention and Schools: The Ultimate Guide for Parents and Teachers on How to Prevent Kids From Joining Gangs, Ramos stresses the difference between gang prevention and gang intervention – the latter of which has been tried for years with little success. Instead of focusing on the problems that gangs create, he turns his attention on the problems that create gangs. 

Zeroing in on the crucial importance of the family, Ramos calls his gang prevention strategy “Parents on a Mission”. He wants parents to understand that their power to influence their children is greater than any outside force – whether at school or in the neighborhood.  This hands-on guide empowers parents to raise happy, respectful, obedient children who are not looking to give their loyalty away to a second ‘family’ by joining a gang.

Ramos opens his book with statistics that support his claim that the majority of kids do not join gangs.  He also offers evidence showing that conventional methods of gang intervention and law suppression strategies do not work.  In Gang Prevention and Schools: The Ultimate Guide for Parents and Teachers on How to Prevent Kids From Joining Gangs, Ramos presents a new community approach that is not only logical but is realistic in how it redefines the issue and refocuses communities on where to invest their time and resources.

“Thank you for highlighting the challenges Latino youth face and underscoring the vision, leadership and strong moral compass that parents can provide for their children.”

– First Lady Laura Bush

“I have been attending gang prevention/intervention seminars and presentations for 30 years. Richard’s ‘Parents on a Mission’ presentation is THE BEST I have ever heard or seen.”

– Rich Mendel, Director, Boys and Girls Club of Carpinteria, CA

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Richard R. Ramos is widely recognized throughout the United States as an expert on gang prevention.  He is also one of the most sought-after Latino leadership speakers on progressive and effective community leadership.  In March 2005, he was recognized as a national interfaith leader through his induction into Morehouse College’s Martin Luther King Jr. International Chapel’s board of directors. Ramos was recognized by President George Bush for community leadership and service in 2007.

NON-FICTION, SOFTCOVER, $16.97 U.S., $20.97 CAN

Gang Prevention and Schools: The Ultimate Guide for Parents and Teachers on How to Prevent Kids From Joining Gangs, by Richard R. Ramos.  Copyright 2008.

Published by Richard R. Ramos, Inc.

Web: www.RichardRRamos.com

Tel: 1-805-331-0902

ISBN-13: 978-0-9814714-0-2

# # #

The First Family is not in the White House, it’s in your House

As American citizens we have been raised with the concept that the “First Family” refers to the family of the President of the United States, which resides in Washington D.C. in what we refer to as the “White House”.  This is an important honor we give the presiding President and his family as we recognize their leadership, position of authority and convey respect for their family.  Thus, when I say, “the First Family is not in the White House, it’s in your house”, it is in no way intended to disrespect or take anything away from the honor of the office of our President.  Rather, it is an attempt on my part to use this well known metaphor to catch the attention of parents and drive home a message about the importance of their role in raising their kids as the best means of preventing them from joining gangs.

To illustrate the importance of the role of parents, I am reminded of a conversation I had one day as I was attending the birthday party of one of my church members’ children.  The Grandfather of the child was there and as we were sitting together, we had the following exchange:

“Richard, I want to ask you a question.  A lot of kids in this community listen to you and with all the problems we are having with gangs and violence and these kinds of kids, why don’t you get them all together and talk to them?”  I replied, “Well that would certainly be helpful and I have and will continue to do that.  But, I don’t think that is really the best way to handle this situation”.  He looked at me somewhat puzzled and said, “What do you mean?”  I replied, “Well, since you are a gardener by profession; let me put it to you in a way that I know you will understand.  If you walked by your neighbors garden and saw that the flowers were all wilted, dry and dying, who would you rather talk to, the flowers or the gardener?”  With that a smile broke out on his face and in Spanish he told me that I was right and had a made a good point that he really had not considered before.  I explained to him that our children were like the flowers in our garden and the parents were like the gardeners, and if we really wanted to make the best and most effective prevention impact, it would be the work done with “gardeners”, more than just the “flowers”.  Thus, the first hand experience I have gained throughout my 25 plus years of working with gang members and at-risk Latino youth & families has lead me to the conclusion that parent-child relationships are the key to prevention.  This may seem too simple and obvious, but as I continue to examine and study these problems and talk with those involved in gangs or considered “at-risk” for joining a gang, it usually comes right down to the parent-child relationship, or lack thereof, that is at the root of these problems.   

I realize this point of view puts a lot of pressure on parents and lays much of the carcass of blame at their feet, and although I do not believe the parents are always to blame for every child who goes astray, I do think that if we parents are willing to take part of the credit for the success of our children, we ought to be just as willing to accept part of the blame when our children fail.  This does not mean that the parent is a bad person, negligent, or abusive.  But what I have found is many parents have simply never really learned many of the things I discuss and teach in my book and gang prevention curriculum, Parents on a Mission.  Those who have learned these things and practice them, in most cases, have healthy relationships with their kids who are leading productive lives. 

All of us have the same needs to be accepted as we are, loved for who we are, and given attention, dignity, respect, and self-worth.  We all have a need for the emotional, intellectual, social and spiritual parts of our lives being nurtured and built up to their inherent potential.  I suggest it is this fundamental understanding that is often overlooked when looking for solutions for children and teens that are joining neighborhood street gangs.  Contrary to popular belief, kids want to respect their parents and live in a healthy, happy relationship with them.  But almost all of the gang members I have talked with did not have it and were really broken hearted about it.  It became the hole in their hearts that they have tried to fill with gangs, drugs, alcohol, sex and other negative stuff that just does not fill that hole, no matter how hard and long they have tried to fill it with these other things.  I would even go so far as to say that even “good” kids who are successful in sports, academics, or other socially acceptable things, yet don’t have a healthy, happy relationship with their parents, also have that same hole or emptiness of heart, and nothing, not even “success”, can fill it like the unconditional love and acceptance of a parent.  

Thus, as we continue to search for answers to a number of issues regarding youth that are being heavily influenced by gangs, I suggest that one of the most important messages we can support is encouraging parent leadership in the home. 

A number of years ago I was asked by a community group that was organizing a coalition to stop gang violence in South Santa Barbara County, to come and speak at a community forum on the causes of acts of violence by youth.  As we all know, the gang lifestyle, among other things, includes acts of violence.  In fact, the initiation for gang membership is an act of violence called getting “jumped in”, which is a short period of time (usually lasting a minute or two, or more in some cases) where a number of members of the gang beat up on the new member as a way of showing their toughness and desire to be a part of the gang.  That in itself is bad enough, but as we know, the violence does not stop there.  Thus, as I prepared for my talk, I began to think deeply and draw upon all the knowledge and insight I had gained from listening to so many gang members tell me their story and their reasons for doing the things they were doing..  What I eventually came up with to share that day, has become a foundational theme I speak on every chance I get in my desire to help families and communities address the root issues of gangs and youth violence.  The following is the thought I shared that day:  

“Acts of violence are caused by an angry heart and an angry heart is produced by unresolved injustices (real or perceived) that young people experienced as victims usually in their own homes.”

These “unresolved injustices” can range from sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse suffered from any number of family members in the privacy of the home.  My goal in writing to parents (and those who work with parents) is to inspire us to take a moment to look inside our own hearts and be honest about any injustices we may have been a part of, and then provide instruction on how to turn our hearts towards our children, and find the strength to deal with these unresolved issues that our children may have been carrying in their hearts for years.  I know this is not easy and can be very uncomfortable, but if we can find the courage or professional help to take this loving action, I know it will make a great difference in preventing kids from joining gangs, and/or successfully intervening to cause our kids already in a gang to quit and leave the gang more than any other single factor!  I know this to be true because I have done it with my own kids and so many other youth have told me it is true, over and over again in Juvenile Hall cells, prison cells, letters, school class rooms, counseling sessions, and various other public and private settings.   Thus, the single best thing any community can invest in to prevent kids from joining gangs is building up and empowering the parents in the community.

Balancing Authority with Humility 

1. Decide that a good relationship is more important than being “right”. 

As parents we must set the example of humility to our kids.  We need to be willing to re-think what we have done.  The words we used, the way we reacted to a difficult situation.  Even after we re- think it all, we may still conclude that we were “right”.  But this is not enough, or the important point, because our child has not accepted our position and is obviously upset about something.  At this point many parents take the attitude of “too bad, they will just have to get over it”.  But oftentimes they don’t.  Instead they harbor resentment and begin to disrespect us as “adults”.  Not because they think they are always right, but because we do.  Usually, kids know when they are in the wrong, but what they are reacting to is our disrespect for their views and a valuing of their development process as teenagers.  After all, didn’t most of us make the same mistakes we are now upset about, that they have repeated?  Does that have something to do with our negative, intolerant reaction?  Are we more concerned with our image as parents with others, than we are with the natural growth process of our children?  Isn’t the more important issue the fact that our child is not happy with how we have handled their mistakes?  What are we going to do with that?  At this juncture, I suggest that we need to think beyond who is right or wrong, and consider if there was not a better way to handle the situation that will allow our kids to maintain their sense of self- respect, without side stepping the issue of wrong behavior.

Maybe we need to go back and listen a little more to their side of things and make them feel understood, even if we don’t agree.  All of this is done because we want to have a good relationship and maintain our role as the prime authority figures in their lives.  My experience tells me that most kids will respond to this type of exercising our authority and they will respect us for our humility, fairness and willingness to hear them out. The bottom line is that the clear message we are sending them is that we value them as individuals and want a healthy and meaningful relationship with them that goes beyond just always having to be right.

 2. Admit when you are wrong and apologize 

     After practicing the “art of listening”, both with my own kids and those I have worked with over the years, I discovered that I was often wrong in my thoughts, words and deeds, plain and simple, no excuses or explanations.  It usually was a result of jumping to conclusions and/or reacting out of anger.  I discovered I was wrong in two ways. First, my conscience was bothering me in the way I had handled the situation.  Second, I went back under more control of my anger and listened.  As my kids would tearfully explain how they felt and explained their reasoning and views, only my pride would keep me from admitting to myself, and to them, that I was in the wrong.  Usually my error was in the way I handled the situation, and sometimes in my judgment of the situation, yet both called for the humility to say that I was wrong, apologize and ask for forgiveness.

I recall one time after my three oldest kids (Five in all) had become teenagers that I needed to apologize for some of the mistakes I had made with them as I was in a time of personal growth and could see that they were beginning to resent the way their younger siblings were benefiting from it.  I was more patient, understanding, lenient and flexible.  I had a short meeting with them and started to share my heart and apologize for what they had to experience with a younger and less experienced father.  I know I was not abusive, but overly strict and intolerant in ways that I knew had probably bruised their hearts in some ways.  As I turned to my oldest son (Who is my step-son, but who I have raised since he was two years old) and apologized for disciplining him too harshly at times, he begin to break down and cry.  Until that moment I had not really realized how much I had bruised his heart and he obviously had been carrying this in his heart.  I could feel and see that a healing was taking place in his heart towards me and all I could do was hug him and cry and apologize.  Up to that time, we had a good relationship, but after that I know it was deepened and better than ever before and remains so today.

I cannot remember a time that this sincere humility I have demonstrated to either gang members I was working with or with my own children, was rejected and did not elicit the same admission from them of their wrong and the offering of an apology. When children witness authority figures admit to their mistakes and apologize for them, it goes along way in establishing a respect for you and ultimately your authority.

  3. Be Flexible, Fair and Firm 

The ability of parents to be flexible in exercising their authority gives them a lot of credibility and favor with their growing children.  It symbolizes that you recognize they are growing up, are willing to bend the rules as a form of allowing them to earn trust and demonstrates that you understand that the “spirit” of the law is more important than the “letter” of the law.  What has helped me with this aspect is to know the difference between mistakes or accidents and defiance or willful disobedience.  As parents sometimes we can be guilty of “choking on the ant, but swallowing the Camel”.  In other words, we make the little things big things and the big things little.  And for some reason, kids are very tuned in to this kind of unfairness or injustice and have a keen sense of what is a mountain and what is a mole hill.  This is why it is a good practice to include your kids (10 years and older) in deciding what the consequences are for both good and bad behavior.  A lot of times I was pleasantly surprised at the punishment they deemed for themselves as I was not going to be as strict as they were on themselves.  But, we agreed to their terms and they were respectful of “our” decision.  I think the key here is that kids know that you have the final word, yet you are allowing them to judge themselves and this is where you can gain respect, earn loyalty and create emotional bonds that pay big dividends later on down the road when it counts.  There are times when one must be firm, and there are times when mercy and grace are called for and the wise parent will learn when to exercise them in a timely manner.  This takes perception, insight, knowledge, and experience but it also requires the ability to listen to your kids to learn how to discern different situations.  Through being flexible, fair and firm we open up the opportunities to develop character, increase the level of the relationship and cease moments for a lesson in leadership and the proper use of authority. 

The final two secrets for Mainstream Leadership will be coming out with my new book sometime this fall.  Keep your eye out for the announcement of the book so you can order early from the first printed copies.  I trust the excerpts I shared were helpful to you.  As always I welcome your comments and feedback.

Now, I want to turn our attention back to gangs, with an emphsis on the classroom as schools gear up to get back into session during the months of August and September.  My goal in particular is to provide helpful information for today’s unsung hero’s – the classroom teacher.

The principles I share for teachers is my attempt to provide a piece of the training, that will equip visionary teachers, who believe in the power of even one transformed life to affect many others in a positive way. The seven principals I suggest are meant to be a practical, daily guide for the common classroom teacher, intended to give the teacher a perspective of the classroom from a Latino paradigm, with the hope of bridging a cultural gap that seems to cause too many unnecessary classroom student-teacher conflicts. 

The material of these seven principles is based on my own personal experience as a Chicano/American-Mexican student in the sixties and seventies.  They are also based on what I have witnessed working as a correctional officer at a State and Federal prison, as well as being a teachers-aide in the Santa Barbara County Juvenile Hall for four years. I also worked as an “at-risk” counselor for four years at a local Junior High and High School (1990-94), where I worked directly with the school administration, teachers, counselors, probation, law enforcement and parents of “at-risk” youth.   Although these insights may seem challenging to teachers, they are offered respectfully and in a spirit of cooperation.  

These principles are certainly not exhaustive or scientific. I am sure there will be other Latino professionals, teachers, principals and parents with different views and opinions.  Be that as it may, the point is to offer one more piece in an effort to help resolve the horrendous record of Latino gang members/students who are truant, unmotivated, put on probation, placed in alternative schools, and ultimately, are not graduating from High School or enrolling in higher education.  Consider the statistics below from the eye opening trends produced in a RAND Corporation study done on behalf of the Hispanic Scholarship Foundation:  

Ø      Hispanic youth make up the fastest growing segment of the U.S. population

Ø      High school completion for Hispanics aged 22-24 was only 64%, compared to 91 and 84% for whites and blacks

Ø      By 2010, Hispanics will make up one out of every five young people of high school age, compared with one in ten in 1990.

Ø      Hispanics lag behind all other racial/ethnic groups in the rate at which they earn a bachelor’s degree.

Ø      In 2000, one of every five new entrants into the workforce was Hispanic-and that number is growing.

Ø      Foreign-born Hispanics are the only immigrants who have a lower level of education than their native-born counterparts.

Ø      The dropout rate among Hispanic high school students is expected to reach 32% by 2010, and is the only racial/ethnic group that is projected to experience an increase.

Ø      By 2010, approximately 20% more Hispanic children will be living in families in which both parents have less than a high school education.

Ø      By 2010, the number of Hispanic children living in poor families will increase by 25%.

Ø      More than one third of all Hispanic young people (age 24 or younger) live in California.

Ø      California high schools, colleges and Universities will educate nearly 40% of the nation’s Hispanic youth. 

I believe there are many teachers who sincerely want to reach out to difficult students, such as gang members, but simply don’t know how, or where to begin. As problems persist, they are forced to remove the student and lose them to a system they know is not to their benefit. I am convinced that these teachers wonder to themselves how they can make a difference in these kids and help turn them from becoming another negative Latino student statistic.  

Thus, over the next few weeks I am going to pull excerpts from my book, “Got Gangs?” , that outline the seven principals I have used to work with these students.  Finally, I must point out that my suggestions are not a guarantee for fixing every situation described, nor am I emphasizing my particular practices, but rather the principle, of handling difficult people problems.  Having said that, I offer these insights that have helped my work in successfully transforming many Latino gang members into productive students and citizens of their community. 

Get your copy of “Got Gangs?” by visiting: www.RichardRRamos.com

(CONTINUED FROM Millennium Mentors)

A Compass of Spiritual Direction

Children in every generation live in changing times. The educational, political, economic and social landscape never remains idle, but is constantly changing and sometimes at a pace not even adults handle well, let alone were prepared for. One metaphor I like using to express the importance of preparing our children for a changing future is the difference between a map and a compass because the geography can quickly change both suddenly, and over time due to any number of factors. Thus, a map, over time, becomes obsolete and its usefulness lessens with the passage of time. Imagine sending your son or daughter off on a trip across the country with the maps used by early pioneers in times past who chartered new courses for those that would follow the journey into new frontiers. Though at one time these early maps would have been useful, changes in the landscape have rendered the maps obsolete and they are no longer accurate to give our sons and daughters the needed direction in unfamiliar territory.

The point is, just as we know that the landscape will change over time, so it is with society, politics, economics, education and so forth. Over time, issues of morality, relativity, social mores and norms are called into question in ways we never thought of. The problems and answers of the past and today are always being challenged by new discoveries, new information and changing public opinion. What was unacceptable public policy or practice in the past, is the norm of political correctness today. Yet, as we know, today’s political correctness, does not mean they are morally correct, equitable or beneficial to all members of society. This is one reason why I believe that the intentional engagement of spiritual leadership from the religious community in civic affairs is so important. Spiritual leadership can help clarify tough issues, bring solid moral principles and sound direction to help guide our civic life in governing ourselves with universal principles such as the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.

The Latino Coalition believes that faith-based civic engagement is vital to a healthy community and encourages more dialogue about the need for more partnerships between Church and State, where it makes sense, and still allows maintenance of respect for necessary separation.

As minorities now in the majority, we cannot make the mistake of discriminating, marginalizing and isolating those whose ancestors may have done these things to our past and present communities. That is NOT our future. It is not wise, it is not right, it is not just. As we come off the margins and into the mainstream, we must learn from the mistakes of others and show the right way, the best way, the good way, and the only way to go “true north”. Thus, what is needed from leaders of today passing on the torch of leadership for tomorrow is that moral and spiritual compass that can continue to guide “true north”, regardless of the changing environment socially or politically. This “compass” is the faith and spirituality that we learn in our respective houses of worship, and that resides within the heart, mind and spirit of us all as fellow human beings of the same human race. In our houses of worship we find the common truths that keep us as a sound and good society because we all, at our human essence and core, value the same things; justice, equality, honesty, fairness, integrity, respect, truth and freedom. Although we instinctively carry that spiritual compass inside of us, we need leaders that model how to use it and show us the right path to take in difficult and fast changing times. The place to start cultivating our spiritual and prophetic compass is in our own hearts and minds, beginning by disciplined thoughts we have about ourselves. Our future leadership must be from this kind of “inside-out” approach, where we begin to re-construct the main down fall of so many Latino’s, which has been our self defeating self perception. We can no longer use a map that guides us with a system that deals with social problems from the old institutions of the “outside-in” approach of secular social programs only. Latino leaders with their eye on the future must realize that institutions, communities and individuals change for the better from the inside out and respectfully acknowledge that religious discipline plays a vital role in facilitating that process.

(CONTINUED FROM A Pioneer of New Thinking)

Millennial Mentors

The purpose of coaching is not only to possess knowledge of the game, but also to be skilled in teaching techniques that will raise the competitive level of their players. If you ever wondered what makes the difference between consistently good teams and consistently losing teams, it is coaching. Talent is important, and so is knowledge of the game, but every College and Professional team is full of talent and knowledge. Why then do some teams always rise to the top? In my view, it is because of coaching techniques that lead players to new levels of peak potential in performance and the pathways of continued success.

Latino Leaders need good coaching and mentoring to not only get to the top, but to stay there, year after year after year. We can be adequate by ourselves and probably even good, but good is always the enemy of best, and if we want to achieve our best or greatness we need great coaching/mentoring relationships. I suggest, the best place for this mentor/coach relationship to take place is in the home as parents can serve this role better than anyone else. Entertainers have fans from afar, but mentors have fruit up close and personal. However, as is often the case, many parents lacked good role models as children, and have had their own children lacking the knowledge, skills, training and understanding required to be the kind of mentor/coach their children need. But, the good news is that good parenting skills can be learned.

The Latino Coalition strongly advocates and supports more initiatives that strengthen families through the offering of parenting classes, especially for the Spanish speaking, which will help them cope with the culture clash they face in raising their kids in the American “hip-hop” culture.

In addition to parents, teachers are in the next best position to fulfill the role of mentor/coach that can help our children succeed to their full potential. Not only do we need more teachers, but better equipped teachers able to deal with the many challenges classrooms have on today’s school campuses. When one considers that children in America spend six hours a day, five days a week, nine months a year for twelve years in the classroom and on the school campus, we can appreciate the role and tremendous influence a teacher can have on the future of our children. Thus, as parents, teachers and community leaders, our children need us to become better than “good enough” and to consistently grow ourselves, reinvent ourselves and continually be students in learning new and better techniques that will lead us, and them, to higher and more excellent pathways, not only for personal success, but more importantly for personal significance!

(CONTINUED FROM PART 2: HEROES OF HARDSHIP)

A Pioneer of New Thinking

By now most of us understand the importance of our thought life and the direct affect it has on what we do, how we do it, and who we become! We must constantly be asking ourselves not only what we are accomplishing by what we are doing, but more importantly, what we are becoming by what we are doing.

 Socially, in a post 911 world, and growing multi-cultural America, we must model a new level of thought, a new Latino mind-set, a new cultural thinking that is bold, relative, and courageous and at the same time considerate of other cultures around us knowing that what we do for ourselves can be and should be a benefit to others as well.

 Economically, we must re-think how we provide social services, how we pay for services and how we train those that deliver social services. We need a new level of economic thought, collaboration, coalition building and partnership between Community Based and Faith-Based Organization’s, Government, business and philanthropy.

 Politically we must collaborate, dialogue, discuss and discover a national agenda that addresses our needs in a reasonable, yet firm political voice to be reckoned with. For example:

According to the book, “Latino’s Remaking America”, Dr. DeSipio & Dr. de La Garza, who have been studying the Elections and voting norms of Latinos since 1992, made the following observation:

“Voting provides the single greatest opportunity for a population such as Latino’s to influence the nation’s politics”

However, the Latino people in America have not had a solid voting block and we continue to have a poor showing every election. According to DeSipio and Garza:

 Out of 35 million Latino’s – 1 in 6 vote
 In 1996 – 1.6 million registered Latino voters did not vote
 39% of Latino adults are non-citizens
 2.4 million became citizens between 1995 – 2001

“The ongoing slow growth in the number of Latino’s who vote, could of course, speed up if an issue or a leader were to mobilize current non-participants”

The pioneers of new thinking are those who will help lead in figuring out the agenda that will galvanize the Latino vote for the future. For example, in the area of Health Research – In 1999, the Anglo population in California became a minority population (49.7%), and in 1998 nearly half of all the States new born babies were Latino. Yet health/medical research in California remains “normed” on the Anglo population. These Anglo research results have been used to craft health policies and programs in a largely Latino state. Perhaps it is time for a new way of thinking about health care?

In the past, according to, Latino’s Remaking America, those of low-income, low education and low access to health care were thought to be at the greatest risk for low health, but recent studies and research shows the opposite:

 Latino babies are born healthier than Anglo & Black
 Latino’s have a lower death rate per 100,000 (20.5% lower than Anglo & 50.4% lower than Blacks) in the top four causes of death in America

Thus, the question is not – “Why are Latino’s doing so well in spite of high risk factors, but rather, why non-Hispanic whites are doing so poorly in spite of all their advantages?”

Latino health issues, norms, patterns, etc. need to be understood on their own merits and the relationship between culture and health needs to be studied so that perhaps our culture can share things that will help the non-Latino populations reduce their risk of death to the four major causes of death.

The list goes on and on in housing, farm workers, gang violence, criminal justice & education, etc. Clearly, new thinking is needed in how to deal with all these social, educational and economic issues. Latino Leaders with an eye on the future must be pioneers in new thinking.