Gang Banger in the Classroom – Principle # 6 – Meekness

Allowing disrespect and intimidation

 Fear and intimidation can be a powerful tool in the hand of a student gang member.  It is something the teacher must do their best never to give into.  If a student is using the tactic of intimidation on the teacher and perceives that the teacher is afraid, it will be considered a sign of weakness and it can result in a tough battle to earn the upper hand of respect and control of the classroom.  This of course is the objective of intimidation and fear, but in a classroom situation the teacher can often overcome this through the power of meekness.   

This may at first seem like a response of weakness in itself and certainly there are times when a teacher will have to assert themselves in a forceful and firm manner in order to take control or use fear and intimidation themselves when the situation calls for it.  But in general, meekness can be a better way of winning the war over the long haul, even though one may seemingly lose the current battle.  I am not suggesting that the teacher in an intimidating situation won’t feel the emotion of fear or even show that they are somewhat afraid.  But this display of outward emotion does not mean we are not willing to confront the situation and stay in the battle for control, respect and compliance of the disruptive student to the same standards of conduct and productivity expected of everyone else.  For example, if a student threatens or physically gets in the face of the teacher, and is obviously bigger and stronger or believed to be capable of causing harm, at that moment, a teacher may feel scared, look scared and in fact be intimidated and back down in that moment.  However, what let’s the student know that they have only won one battle and that the war itself is not over, is that the teacher will still dole out the consequences for their behavior, expect whatever it was that they wanted to be done or not done, to still be obeyed, and they will continue on with the lesson or whatever was taking place at the time for the benefit of the rest of the class.   

Believe me, if a teacher can manage this, it will be a major deposit in the hearts of the other students and gain her a lot of respect and cooperation from the others, and some will even come to her defense in the moment or later on. In other words we are showing the student(s) gang member that we will not be intimidated or fearful to hold them accountable, nor will we allow them to dictate to us, and make us make them our “enemy” for that would be playing right into their hand.  We are beyond that.  We will not be bullied into always kicking them out of class and sending them to the Vice Principals office, though that may be what they deserve, we are in control and may choose not to give them what they deserve!  We are not afraid to forgive, understand, turn the other cheek and demonstrate “power under control”, which is the true definition of “meekness”.   

Choosing to respond with the principle of meekness is not a sign of “weakness”, but rather it is a sign of true power in the stronger (whether it be physically, intellectually, authoritatively or morally) position, choosing not to exercise our power at the moment for their sakes.  I can not count all the times I have chosen this response in situations where I clearly had the upper hand when being challenged physically, mentally or emotionally by students, gang members and my own children as a father disciplining my children.   Allow me to share one more story to illustrate the power of meekness in dealing with tough situations, especially when we are trying to win over our “enemies” so to speak. 

While I was a pastor I had a member who was a heavy duty drug user and seller and had done a lot of time in prison.  I built what I thought was a good relationship with this person and went out of my way many times for him in a variety of ways as his pastor.  At one point he began to make demands on me that I just could not accept, nor would do.  He then began to intimidate me with death threats and violence that he and his brothers would do against me, my wife and kids. Had I not thought he was capable of such actions I might have blown it off, but I knew he and his brothers were very capable and I lost several nights of sleep over it as “tonight” always became the night he was going to carry out the threats.  Some of you are probably wondering why I did not call the police, and maybe I should have, but having worked in the prison and understanding his mentality of “fingering” or “ratting” him out, I just did not think that was the right course of action to solve this real threat.  Finally, one night after another threatening call, I was so fed up with his threats that I hung up and decided to take him by surprise and showed up at his house.  One of his brothers answered the door and let me in.  He (my “friend”) was shocked to see me and I calmly began to tell him that this had to end.  He immediately starting cursing at me and then slapped me across the face.  Now, in my mind I clearly had the upper hand physically and by the fact that he was high on whatever and I wasn’t.  However, when his brother saw my non-reaction of turning the other cheek, he immediately stepped in and pulled him away from me and told me to leave, which I did but not before I made it clear that I was not going to tolerate this anymore (I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I said it anyway).  The following day, this guy felt so bad about hitting me and just the fact that I did not retaliate when he knew I clearly could have as I had caught him and his brother high and off guard, that he came to the church and literally got on his knees and crying asked me to forgive him, which I did and the problem never surfaced again and his loyalty to our relationship was the stronger for it.   

This is obviously a very extreme example and to be sure, I certainly would never recommend to anybody to take the course of action I did, but I only share it to drive home the point of the power of the principle of meekness and forgiveness to someone opposing you.   I am sure there are teachers, principals, policemen, pastors and parents reading this, who could share similar stories about the power of demonstrating meekness as one response to fear and intimidation, and while it may not always work, or may not always be what we are able to decide to do, it does work as a matter of principle over time.  Thus, sometimes we have to fight fire with fire, and sometimes we have to fight fire with water, but we never want to fight fire with gasoline, which is too often the case when teachers and students clash in the classroom and things only get worse for all concerned when anger rules as the weapon of choice.  The balance between meekness and weakness is that on the one hand I choose to keep my power under control, but on the other hand I refuse to accept being disrespected and will not give in to intimidation in my home, school or classroom.